On Sodom Pond

Postcards from rural Vermont

The failure will be a good lesson

1 Comment

I’ve decided, people! We’re going for it. Another row of lettuce. More beets. And spinach, if I can find seeds.  Round two. I was down but I’m not out.

Here is my pile of failures. august 4 012

I look refreshing but I am bitter and will make you gag.august 4 009

This is the spinach I was afraid to pick because I didn’t want it to be gone. It bolted before I could eat any.august 4 010

This whole row of beets got a haircut by Bambi. august 4 011

Pruning the tomatoes, I overdid it on my favorite ones. And there is way too much cilantro (how much salsa can I make?). By the way, grasshoppers are being born! august 4 014

The squash is “jubilant” august 4 016 and the kale is preparing for a hot date.august 4 007

I spent the week fretting and denying myself all of my joys because they’re “not writing.” I have to finish this book! I need to focus! Lock myself up and make myself and everybody else miserable! If I don’t, I will fail!

I would be so happy, I tell myself, if I could just garden and write. But I am not Barbara Kingsolver or Joyce Carol Oates or Annie Dillard or Rick Bass. I never will be. But part of me always hopes! If I made it big I’d… Another unreal “if” blocking the here and now. The weeds. The pages. The heartbreak necessary to quietly get down to doing the work in front of me.

Did I tell you how much I dream in the garden?

The nasturtium surprised me with its flower. I had given up on it. Marigolds I tore up are budding.

I get to be here. No matter what. 

In Japan I saw on a notebook: “Don’t stop, the failure will be a good lesson!”

I just have to remember to be. Here.

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One thought on “The failure will be a good lesson

  1. Thanks for the reminder. Be where my feet are, not in the “I would be so happy if…” Do it, or don’t, but be where I am when I am.

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